How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
