got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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