Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I FOUND THE LEGS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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