Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
