Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
