Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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