TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
