I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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