I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sext me about skeletons
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
