you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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