Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
