Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
