Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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