He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
