Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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