I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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