It's like God shit irony all over that family
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
