Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
