well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
