You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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