dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
