Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
