It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
