You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
