Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
