when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
