his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize