This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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