If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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