have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
