I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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