Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
