Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
