Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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