I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize