If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
