respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize