i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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