He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
