If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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