he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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