she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
