your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
