Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
