I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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