After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
