can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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