I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
