so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize