I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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