i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
