i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
