Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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