Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize