dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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