then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
