He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
