Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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