i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
