my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
