OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
