Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
