His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize