I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
