She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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