I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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