Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
