he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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