so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
