Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
