Cold hands, warm shart.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
