I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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