3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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