**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
