walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Who did Billy Mays play for?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize