She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
