I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
