His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
