First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
