You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
