no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
