Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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