When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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