The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
