They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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