you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
