I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
