Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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