We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
