just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
