I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
