i jhust puked up my retainher.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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