Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
