Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
