I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize