You can't motorboat a personality
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
