I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
