Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
