No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
