i would punch a child for taco bell
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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