Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
