woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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