What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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